Oh boy. I’ve been meaning to write this post for… well months, really. I just haven’t quite figure out how to do it until now (and we’ll see if I actually have figured it out). Because, you see, my friend wrote this book and…
… and that’s where most of you will have stopped reading. "My friend did something" is a bit of a cue to click away, innit? It’s right up there with "My mommy’s totally my biggest fan" as far as endorsements go. Because here’s the thing — we pretty much all want the internet to have a little more personalization, but not that personal, not when it comes to reviews.
The unspoken answer to anything, any link or comment, that starts with "my friend made" is: "Well, but if it’s good, then why aren’t I hearing about it from strangers?"
But, well, whatever. There’s a couple hundred of you that will have been tricked into clicking this link when I post it to twitter in a minute (using the cheat of a URL shortener so you’ll have no idea what you’re in for), and a handful of you will have had little enough to do for the next three minutes that you’ll read through anyway. Haha, Tuesdays are the perfect time to spring a trap!
So.
My friend wrote this book:
And now, instead of telling you any damned thing about the book (because there’s a plot synopsis on Amazon, and it doesn’t tell you any more than I could), I’m going to tell you who this book was written for.
(Well, technically it was written for the two cats on the dedication page, because Adam’s a friend of mine, but he’s not quite right, if you know what I mean. But that’s a measure of his sanity, not his writing.)
But more helpfully, the person this book is for looks a little like this: You remember the Cartoon Express Train. Adam remembers it, too — it’s in his bio at the end of the book, even — but you, well, you can’t really remember every moment of those years, but you can see the train snaking across the television screen when you think about it, right? There’s a lot of the 80s that’s like that for you. It’s not nostalgia, precisely — it’s those moment of faint-yet-clear memories. Thundercats, ho! The invisible one-up mushroom just before the first jump. Knowing is half the battle. Those little dancing mice. The Snorks. The Chipettes music video for "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun." Cookie Crisp cereal, but oh, what was that cereal with the furry golden guy with the big nose, did that even really exist? And what the hell were those guys with the hologram stickers and removable glow-in-the-dark "capes" called?
In short, you don’t want the 80s back, you know better than to watch He-Man on hulu.com because it really was just crap, and you can sing the FAME theme song but you’re seriously not sure how you feel about the remake. But you’ve got shared memories of a lot of REALLY weird shit you saw and read and remember from the 80s, and it’s not the shit you EVER see in those retrospectives, but you swear, you SWEAR it was real…
…You think.
Well, you’re the person Stays Crunchy In Milk was written for, then. Because it’s not a book about what really happened. It’s not a book about how crap things were, or how wonderful, or even how things were at all. It’s a book about what never happened, that just happens to have been written by someone who remembers all those nearly-forgotten moments that you do, too.
And, y’know, it’s $12, so what the hell.